Sunday, July 26, 2009

Does My Thinking Need An Adjustment?

Loving, caring, hard-working, successful, dedicated mother, multi-talented professional and independent woman. These are the words that describe my long time sister friend, Lisa Barclay. Since she was the winner of my blog challenge last month it only seems right to share her post. And if you'd like to read more stories from Lisa pick up a copy of my latest book "Journeys of Love Voices of the Heart" available now at: Enjoy her post!

Does My Thinking Need An Adjustment?

I try to start most of my work days with a devotional reading. You know, try to get my mind right as I prepare to do the corporate shuffle and deal with daily life. Today’s message resonated with me in a really big way because I’ve been going through some things in my personal life and as a result, I’ve had a lot on my mind. The message told a story of a woman who planned how her whole life would be in her head and when it didn’t turn out that way she was angry and frustrated. In her mind her husband was not the knight in shining armor as he practiced his daily ritual of coming home from work, offering no help around the house, criticizing her weight and the things she didn’t do; all the while assuming his couch potato, channel surfing position. Her house wasn’t the Elle D├ęcor picture of perfection that she had hoped for. Things never seemed to stay in their place. The floor always needed mopping and the sink had a never ending pile of dishes. Her kids were not the perfect little angels she dreamed of because they never listened and caused daily chaos in the house. Over time, this woman’s daily mantra became, “Why bother? No one else does?” She let life’s disappointments block her view of the blessings in her own life. Sadly, she couldn’t see beyond “what wasn’t” in her life.
I have to admit I started seeing myself in that very same light and have often been guilty of adopting that same attitude. The message asked if we realized when our thinking needed an adjustment. Do we check ourselves to see if our thoughts have any true merit or have we allowed negative energy to influence our minds and our hearts? As an imperfect person, these questions give me great pause because I know that my thinking is not where it should be. I am grateful for the daily blessings in my life - my home, my son, food, clothing, a job, my health and so many other things. I often think about and pray for the people who are not as blessed and fortunate as I. Yet,in spite of my gratitude I have to stop and ask myself if I need to change my own thinking. As a self proclaimed, strong Black woman, I know I do. And just like the message that was based off of the scripture (Philippians 4:8-9), that change, would create more peace. In dew season and with God’s help, as I think differently and act differently the blessings of peace will rain down on my life. And that, is a much better, option to me.


Jeff Haskins said...

I think you answered your own question. You must become/be or continue to be the change you want to see. It's obvious your husband doesn't value some things that you value (with regard to cleaning etc). Thus, you will probably have to take up the slack in that area. There may be areas that he takes care of(the lawn, fixing things, etc) that you are weak in. Look for those as that may give you a little solace. The children will be children. You and your husband as long as you're on the same page with how to raise them can work to correct those issues.

I advise defining roles (strengths and weaknesses/likes and dislikes) in the relationship and working from there and attempting to get some sort of buy in from both sides.

As far as his criticism of your weight it is most likely his best way to insult you to attempt to bring you down and make you feel less than. You have to not allow that to effect you and know that it's really not about you.

My working mantra is the 4 agreements: Don Miguel Ruiz

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.


Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret

Hillary said...

well said sir, well said. All good points Jeff, thank u for sharing!!!

ncookyoung said...

It is very important that we constantly re-adjust our thinking process…if we do not it will not grow, advance, enhance, reform, repair or restore itself! We need to constantly upgrade our thoughts in order to purify, revitalize & regenerate our minds…just like a car needs a tune up in order to keep running smoothly on the road so does our thinking or it will become old and outdated. Always pay your mind the going rate or higher when it comes to upgrades or a raise in good values and high self-esteem…never downsize the mind!!!!

Hillary said...

luv that Kee!! Luv it! Thanks for sharing:)