Monday, April 20, 2009

Fleeting Moments

In a crowd of more than 3,000 fans at a right to life event, the Ex-GOP Vice Presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, admitted that for one "fleeting moment" she considered having an abortion. This after news that this 44-year-old politician learned she was pregnant. It was hard for her to grasp the concept of changing diapers again. In addition to this, she was faced with the reality of knowing that her unborn son had Down Syndrome. And in that moment I thought, what would I have done? What would any of us do if faced with the choice of making probably one of the toughest decisions of our lives? I certainly have no right to judge the choice of anyone either way but in fact found myself reflecting on the choices of my past.

I was a freshman in college and had been dating my first love for over 3 years. Both of us had decided to further our education as far away from home as possible. I was finally getting an opportunity to meet people who looked just like me who were from other parts of the world. It was also my best hope of escaping the "rules and regulations" of my mother's home. Freedom was here and I couldn't wait for the chance to exercise my independence. What that meant for me was being able to come and go as I pleased and do whatever I wanted to do whenever and how ever I wanted. There would be no more advisement from mom, and no more threatening lectures warning that if I ever came home pregnant that I better not come home. The only concerns I had were going to class, partying and enjoying my new surroundings.

When the doctor announced that I was pregnant, it really didn't matter to me. I never thought of "the life" that lay inside of me, just all of the things I'd miss out on if I didn't end it. There was hardly any discussion, my decision came from nothing more than a brief sigh and a moment of silence. I couldn't imagine myself sharing the news with the woman who sacrificed so much to get me into school. Nor, did I want to face the burden and stigma of being a college dropout within my first year. I was numb and all I could think about was staying on track with my plan of pursuing my degree in communications and finishing school. Besides, how would I be able to support and be mom to one of God's greatest creations, anyhow? I didn't know..I didn't know..I simply didn't know so I let fear take over the voice inside of me that I knew best. And I let the sounds and echoes of the voices of those who never knew me at all make that choice for me.

I often wonder how different life would be for me had I had my own "fleeting moment" back then. Unfortunately, I'll never know but what I know for sure is that I'll dew everything that I can, to appreciate whatever life may be in my future.

6 comments:

V' Bene't said...

That was awesome... Took a lot of guts to reveal yourself like that... Kudos to you... Great job, as usual...

V'

Hillary said...

thanks V...gutsy it was but maybe that one was meant to help someone. Luv ya...

Kim said...

Very real. Vulnerable. God bless, Cousin! I love you.

Hillary said...

thanks cuz!

Keetah said...

Again thank you for sharing cuz. It did take a lot of guts to reveal that vunerable time in your life. I think also it is nothing to be ashamed of. We will all live this life wondering what if??? or what could have been??? and so on. We all fall short of God's glory and no one is perfect. This is your testimony of where you were and where you are now. Love ya.

Keetah

Hillary said...

thanks cuz..so true. always appreciate the love and advice u give me too. smooch:)